


When All of My Flaws Are Counted

by iaminarage



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, M/M, Sebastian is an asshole, irresponsible alcohol consumption, liberal use of profanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iaminarage/pseuds/iaminarage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian Smythe doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, not even to his best friend, Kurt. But when he gets really drunk, sometimes he spills his secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When All of My Flaws Are Counted

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loveinisolation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveinisolation/gifts).



> AU where Kurt and Sebastian have been best friends since High School. All the characters are the same, but the timelines have shifted slightly.
> 
> The song title comes from "Flaws" by Bastille. 
> 
> This is a birthday fic for my amazing beta, loveinisolation. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAT! (Sorry I get you the weirdest things.)

It was nights like these that Kurt Hummel was glad that he was an actor and didn’t have any reason to be up early in the morning most of the time. Once again, he’d been dragged out of bed to pick Sebastian up from a bar on a week night. It was Elliott who had called him this time, telling him that he had no idea what was going on with Sebastian lately, but that he couldn’t get Sebastian to leave and Elliot needed to go home. So as always, Kurt was on Sebastian duty.

When he walked into Sebastian’s favorite gay club, Kurt found his best friend attempting to proposition the bouncer.

“Leave the nice man alone,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes in solidarity with the bouncer. “He’s got a job to do and it doesn’t include coming back to your apartment or joining you in a bathroom stall or whatever it is you were suggesting.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Sebastian replied, giving Kurt a belligerent look as Kurt tugged on his arm. “I know he has to work. That’s why I offered to do it right here!”

Kurt just tugged Sebastian harder until he was successfully pulling Sebastian out the door. He had been friends with Sebastian for twelve years. He should have known that a little thing like logistics wouldn’t get in Sebastian’s way.

Once they finally got outside, Sebastian draped his arm over Kurt’s shoulder and let Kurt walk him to the subway station. “What is up with you these days?” Kurt said, once they were really moving. Sebastian had always been all about partying and hooking up, but he used to be smarter about things like making sure not to get this drunk when he had rehearsal the next morning.

“My life is a fucking disaster!” Sebastian shouted into the empty night air. “What the fuck do you think is the problem?”

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Sebastian. He wasn’t aware of any large changes in Sebastian’s life in the last couple of months. “What are you talking about?”

Sebastian pulled his arm off of Kurt’s shoulders so that he could cross them over his chest and glare at Kurt. “I’m not some fucking breeder. I don’t need to fall in love and move out to the suburbs and adopt two children and an ugly ass dog.”

Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian’s back as Sebastian started down the stairs to the Subway. This had been Sebastian’s refrain basically since the beginning of time. Kurt had met Sebastian when they were fifteen years old and the first thing that Sebastian had told him was that his life goal was to fuck as many gorgeous men as possible. Somehow they’d still become friends.

“Who’s telling you to settle down?” Kurt asked, grabbing Sebastian’s metrocard and swiping it, since Sebastian was clearly incapable at this point.

“My god damn brain apparently. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. What the hell good did relationships ever do anyone? They obviously aren’t working for you.”

And, okay, ouch. The problem with Sebastian--well, one of the many problems with Sebastian--was that it was easiest to get him to spill personal information when he was drunk, but he was also the most thoughtless when he was drunk so trying to get information out of him often resulted in collateral damage. Although he wasn’t surprised that Sebastian thought that relationships weren’t working for Kurt. After his breakup with Blaine, for reasons Sebastian hadn’t understood, Kurt had only dated a couple of guys and it hadn’t gotten very serious with either of them.

“Sebastian, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kurt said, pulling Sebastian on to the train and pushing him down into a seat.

Once Kurt was sitting next to him, Sebastian dropped his head on Kurt’s shoulder. “I mean, what the fuck did I have to go and fall in love for? I’m not some lesbian. I’m not interested in _nesting_.”

Kurt just shook his head. Sometimes he had no idea where Sebastian got his ideas about people. “Santana’s a lesbian, and you seem to like her fine.”

“Lesbians are great,” Sebastian said, sounding sleepy all of a sudden. It was probably the motion of the train. “I love lesbians. Lesbians for everyone. I just don’t want to be one. And anyways, Santana’s a bad example. She’s getting married in six months.”

Sebastian did have a point on that one. Santana and Sebastian had been partners in crime for years before Santana had met Dani and fallen in love for the first time since high school. Sebastian had treated their engagement party like a funeral.

Kurt thought back over what Sebastian had been saying and tried to figure out what Sebastian’s problem actually was. It took a few minutes before Kurt realized that Sebastian hadn’t actually said he wanted to fall in love. Sebastian had said he _had_ fallen in love.

“Wait. You’re in love? With who?” When Sebastian didn’t answer, Kurt craned his neck to look at him and realized that Sebastian had fallen asleep on Kurt’s shoulder. “Excellent,” Kurt said, to no one in particular.

The idea of Sebastian actually being in love was a bit difficult for Kurt to process. Kurt had a pretty clear vision of how their lives were going to go. Kurt was going to keep dating until he found someone again that he loved enough to make his unrequited feelings for Sebastian meaningless. Sebastian was going to fuck every hot guy he could get into his bed for as long as he could get away with it. He had no idea how things would work out with Sebastian suddenly falling in love. And god only knew who Sebastian could even have developed feelings for.

It hurt, though, even though Kurt hated himself for it. It was so much easier to live with the fact that he’d been in love with Sebastian since he was seventeen when he believed that Sebastian was simply incapable of loving someone that way. Now Kurt would have to face the fact that Sebastian not loving him back had never been about Sebastian being emotionally stunted. It was really just about Kurt.

When they finally got to Kurt’s stop, Kurt shoved Sebastian awake and pushed him out the door. It wasn’t until they walked into Kurt’s living room that Sebastian turned into him and said, “Where the fuck are we?”

Kurt shushed Sebastian and began pushing him into Kurt’s room. Rachel, Santana, and Dani were probably asleep like normal people. “My apartment, you idiot. You’ve been here a million times.”

“Why?” Sebastian said, flopping down on Kurt’s bed as soon as he could.

Kurt knelt down and started tugging Sebastian’s shoes off. “Because it’s too late for me to go to your apartment and then back to mine, and I’m not sleeping on your sheets.”

Sebastian just nodded and let Kurt pull his shoes off and then his pants. Kurt knew from experience that this was the best he could do in terms of getting Sebastian comfortable when he was this drunk. Kurt wandered off to grab Sebastian some water and then brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas. By the time he was ready for bed, Sebastian had wormed his way under the covers and seemed to be asleep. Kurt joined him quietly and turned out the bedside light.

Just as Kurt was about to slip into sleep himself, Sebastian said, “I’m not the kind of man that people fall in love with, Kurt Hummel.”

Kurt had to laugh at this a bit. Aside from Kurt himself, there were always at least a few doe-eyed chorus boys following Sebastian around because they thought they were in love with him. Eventually someone would take pity on them and explain to them that Sebastian really meant it when he said that they were “just fucking.” “Don’t be ridiculous,” Kurt said, “people fall in love with you all the time. It’s just that they usually regret it.”

“But not always?” Sebastian asked, sounding young and a little bit scared.

“Not always,” Kurt said, thinking of himself. For all that Kurt’s life would probably be easier if he’d never fallen quite so in love with his best friend, he couldn’t imagine wanting to take it back.

* * *

A few days later, Kurt was watching a Top Chef marathon with Rachel when she turned to him and said, “So what are you going to do about Sebastian?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow at her. “Do about him? Why would I need to do anything about him?”

“I’d think you’d want to do something about the fact that he’s in love with you. I mean, let him down gently at least.”

Kurt started coughing, which caused him to inhale an unreasonable amount of diet coke. Rachel had no idea about how he felt about Sebastian--his dad was the only person who knew--so it couldn’t be wishful thinking on his behalf but she was clearly out of her mind if she thought that Sebastian was in love with _Kurt_. “What?” Kurt finally said, once he could breathe again.

“Haven’t you noticed?” Rachel asked. “He keeps staring at you like you’re a raft and he’s drowning.”

Suddenly Kurt felt a headache coming on. “He does not, Rachel. It’s all in your head. Sebastian isn’t even capable of making a face like that.”

Rachel gave him a pitying look. “Apparently he is, because he’s doing it! Even Santana thinks so.”

Kurt couldn’t deal with this conversation any more. Rachel had no idea how horrible this topic was for him after all these years. Kurt knew Sebastian would never love him. He’d accepted it back in college. He didn’t need to break his own heart all over again by hoping. “I’m going to take a nap,” Kurt said. He got up and walked into his room without stopping to listen to Rachel’s protestations.

* * *

Kurt woke up slowly to the sounds of talking from the kitchen. He rolled over to look at the clock and realized that he’d only slept for about an hour and a half. He did feel better though.

It took him another minute to register that the person Rachel was talking to was Sebastian. Kurt remembered now that Sebastian had only been called for half a day of rehearsal today and had said he might stop by after. Kurt dragged himself out of bed and had just cracked the door open when he registered what they were talking about.

“I don’t understand you, Sebastian,” Rachel said. “This could be your chance!”

“My chance to what?” Sebastian spat out. Kurt could hear that Rachel was treading on dangerous ground with him, but she wasn’t always very aware of that kind of thing. It was part of why their relationship had always been so odd. Sebastian always claimed he didn’t even like Rachel, but she was, other than Kurt, the person Sebastian most often told his secrets to. Kurt thought this was because she just didn’t back of when everyone else would have.

Kurt could practically hear Rachel roll her eyes. “Be happy, Sebastian? Build a life with someone who matters to you?”

Sebastian snorted. “This might shock you, Rachel, but I haven’t exactly been waiting for my chance to live the Stepford hetero dream life. I doubt I’m even capable of being monogamous.”

“I bet you are,” Rachel said, the tone of her voice switching slightly from argumentative to soothing. “You’ve never actually tried.”

“Well, why would I want to?” Sebastian said, sounding frustrated. “I’m never going to have whatever perfect fucking fairy tale my parents dreamed up for me. Why would I go looking for an approximation?”

Rachel was uncharacteristically quiet for a few minutes and Kurt grew antsy. He wondered if he should go out there and join the conversation or if he’d actually be interrupting something Sebastian really needed. Before he had the chance to decide, Rachel spoke again. “So you’re saying that you can’t possibly have an actual relationship because being gay cost you your relationship with your family, so now you have to make sure it’s worth it by sleeping with every guy you can?”

Technically that was not what Sebastian had said, but it was definitely something Kurt had thought about him from time to time. Apparently Rachel thought so, too. It really seemed like it was time to interrupt the two of them, so Kurt slipped out of his room and crossed to the kitchen. He was just leaning on the door frame when Sebastian answered. “No. Maybe. That’s not really the point. I don’t even know why you’re assuming Kurt would want me even if I did decide I wanted to have a relationship with him.”

Kurt saw Rachel notice him in slow motion. There was a rushing in his ears as he tried to process the fact that Sebastian and Rachel’s entire conversation had been about him. That the person Sebastian had fallen for was him. What was Kurt even supposed to do with information like that? It wasn’t like Sebastian having feelings for him solved any problems. It was more likely that it would ruin everything.

Sebastian followed Rachel’s gaze, saw Kurt in the doorway, and swore loudly. Kurt grabbed the door frame for support as the tears came unbidden to his eyes. This had never been what was supposed to happen.

In a moment, Sebastian had crossed the room and pulled Kurt into a tight hug, leaving Kurt to grab the front of Sebastian’s shirt for support. This was actually a pretty typical move for Sebastian. The one thing he’d never been able to handle was watching his friends cry.

Kurt buried his face in Sebastian’s shoulder and tried to catch his breath as Sebastian whispered to him. “I’m sorry. Just don’t worry about it. You don’t have to deal with my fucking mess, I swear.”

“Why now?” Kurt asked, without lifting his head from Sebastian’s shoulder. He wasn’t ready for Sebastian to let him go. “I’ve been in love with you for ten fucking years. Why now? What am I supposed to do?”

Kurt heard Rachel gasp from behind Sebastian. Apparently Kurt had spoken loudly enough for her to hear. Sebastian just held Kurt tighter and said, “I don’t know, Kurt. I really don’t know.”

* * *

When Kurt had been a lovestruck teenager, he’d imagined what it would be like to have Sebastian finally fall in love with him. In his imagination, they’d gone running into each other’s arms and lived happily ever after.

The reality was a lot less ideal. It turned out that having your playboy best friend suddenly fall in love with you after twelve years wasn’t actually that simple. Sebastian wasn’t sure he could be in a committed relationship. Kurt wasn’t sure what he wanted from Sebastian. He’d spent so much time planning all the versions of his life where he quietly pined after Sebastian forever, that he was no longer sure if Sebastian was what he actually wanted.

As a result, Kurt and Sebastian did what they always did: they fought. They fought in their apartments, on the Subway, in the club and, one time, over the phone. One Monday afternoon, two months after the initial revelation, they were in Kurt’s apartment fighting. Kurt was shouting something at Sebastian about how Sebastian must have been having some sort of mental break when he’d decided he was in love with Kurt because how could he possibly love someone he was terrified of.

Apparently that had been the last straw for Sebastian. The next thing Kurt knew, Sebastian was kissing him like it might be the only chance he’d ever get. Kurt responded by tugging at Sebastian’s shirt while he backed them both in the direction of the bed.

When they were finished, Sebastian had collapsed on Kurt’s chest saying, “Nap now. Talk later.” He’d fallen asleep immediately and left Kurt to his thoughts.

Kurt ran his fingers across Sebastian’s bare back as he tried to figure out what they would do. He supposed he probably should have thought that sleeping with Sebastian was a mistake, and maybe it would turn out to be one, but he wasn’t sure. Sebastian had always been so much better with touch than with words. Kurt probably should have realized before now that trying to talk him into figuring things out had probably been completely the wrong idea.

With Sebastian naked and sleeping peacefully on top of him, things finally felt like they were starting to make sense to Kurt. He brought his other hand up to run through Sebastian’s hair, which caused Sebastian to nuzzle in closer to his chest without waking up. Kurt’s heart clenched a little and he knew what he had to do. He knew that actually being with Sebastian would hurt. He didn’t expect that their relationship would change that much if they started dating. They were too prone to settling their differences with knock down, drag out fights to ever stop. But he also knew that he couldn’t spend his life wondering what might have happened if he’d been braver. Sebastian might be an asshole, but he was somehow also the best thing in Kurt’s life. If Sebastian was willing to give Kurt a chance, Kurt was going to have to take it.

With that conclusion firm in Kurt’s mind, he finally drifted off to sleep. When he woke up again, Sebastian was awake and sitting next to him, staring at him. “That’s creepy as hell,” Kurt said, with a yawn.

“Don’t I know it,” Sebastian said, with absolutely no apology. Then he took a deep breath. “Look, Kurt, you know I’m going to be fucking terrible at this, right?”

Kurt pulled himself into a sitting position, crossing his legs and facing Sebastian. “I kind of figured.”

“I don’t mean the monogamy thing,” Sebastian continued, as if he hadn’t heard. Kurt figured that, if Sebastian had something to say, Kurt should just let him say it. “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’m pretty sure I can keep it in my pants. But I’m a miserable asshole. I always have been. And my idea of romance is, like, dinner before blow jobs.”

At that, Kurt couldn’t help laughing. “Sebastian, everyone’s idea of romance is dinner before blow jobs. They just don’t say it that way.”

Sebastian glared at him in response. “Are you done laughing at me?”

“I’m not laughing at you,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been friends for twelve years, Sebastian. You aren’t going to surprise me with your flaws and I don’t expect you to become a different person.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Kurt said, crossing his arms. “Okay what?”

Sebastian gave Kurt his look that meant he thought Kurt was being particularly obtuse. “Okay, I’d like to give the relationship thing a try if you’ll have me.”

Kurt grinned and leaned in to press his lips to Sebastian’s in a short, soft kiss. When he pulled back, he whispered just, “Okay,” before moving back in to kiss Sebastian again.


End file.
